He said, she said...solutions for creating home sweet home when conflicts arise

Wrenda Goodwyn • special to the Fort Myers News-Press • March 5, 2016

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Classic and timeless, this elegant bedroom appeals to both sexes. Photo Courtesy of the Henredon Interior Showroom, Hickory Chair Collection.

It was a Saturday morning. One of my favorite, longtime clients called and asked me (begged me) to please head for a local furniture showroom. She and her husband had squared off in opposite corners and could not agree on a piece of furniture to go in a room that had been recently remodeled.

This final selection was one they thought they could do on their own without my help. But they could not agree.

When I arrived, they were not happy. I gathered them both together and the husband said the final decision was mine because they could not possibly agree and he was tired of fighting. So, we worked it out and there was a compromise. Life went on and I am certain they are still married.

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Deep tones with rich textures are an ideal compromise between traditional and contemporary tastes. Photo credit: Courtesy of the Henredon Interior Showroom, Hickory Chair Collection.

These challenges are not uncommon. And sometimes in this profession, we are psychologists, marriage counselors and someone to just listen.

Whether it's between spouses, roommates, a parent and child who has moved back home, in-laws in the home or many other configurations of the way we live, conflicts about space are normal.

Maybe two separate households are merging. The conflicts can range from who takes the trash out to how the animal heads on the wall are to blend with the Lilly Pulitzer print drapes.

The bottom line: communication.

I can work with a couple on paint color and tell you exactly how they communicate.

My suggestion when bringing any two people together to decorate a home: diplomacy, humor and some basic respect.

Interior designer, Diane Torrisi, presented a lively "He said, She said" seminar with the Henredon showroom this past week at Miromar Design Center. Along with designer Dirk Anderson, she emphasized the importance of compromise in making home interiors functional for all members of the residence. 

"Compromise is a way of giving up something, most often in order to gain something else." Diane Torrisi of Diane Torrisi Designs

As a Southwest Florida interior decorator, I have strategies that I use to help create a "home sweet home" when there are disagreements. Some of these might help if decorating conflicts happen in your home!

Soft hues as a backdrop with beautiful gender neutral furnishings and accessories. Photo Courtesy of the Henredon Interior Showroom, Hickory Chair Collection.

Do your work before the designer arrives.

Together, look through magazines, set up Pinterest boards, shop (together). Get an idea of where you agree, disagree and where there may be room for compromise.

He likes contemporary, she likes traditional

One of my go-to-sources for seeking examples of compromise is Restoration Hardware. Great examples of a rather utilitarian, minimalist look that allows for pretty accessories to smooth out the look. This helps to define what you can and can't live with.

Color conflict

I encounter this daily. And it's also important to remember that people see color differently. It's very complicated. If one wants tropical colors and the other wants neutral, I usually suggest whites or grays for walls and color in accessories and fabric.

Gender-neutral

Color is no longer quite so gender specific. Many rooms done in reds, blues, greens and earthy tones satisfy both sexes.

No way am I having a recliner

These are not your parent's Barcaloungers. Now they are streamlined and you can't tell they are recliners. Pick out a pretty one and upholster it in a gorgeous fabric. Compromise!

His space/her space

Man caves and she sheds have helped to solve some of these issues. But let's face it, most homes do not allow space for these luxuries. So create a his and her space in the home. A nook or area where each may have their own "stuff." A yoga area for her. A TV area for him.

Merging lives, merging space

This can be tricky. He has his stuff. She has hers. Honestly, it seems to work best when the two start off with a new space that can be "theirs." then go through what might work and what should go. And now, it's time to make new purchases together.

Pick your battles

Some disagreements are not that important. Figure out what you can live with, compromise and go from there. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you have a happy home to call your own and that you are sharing it with someone that you care about.  And when all else fails, call a decorator or designer. We are really good at providing creative solutions to decorating conflicts!

Wrenda Goodwyn is a Southwest Florida interior decorator, A.S.I.D. associate and certified gold member of the Interior Redecorators Network. Home Inspirations appears the first Saturday of each month. Visit her website at spectacularspaces.com. Call her at 949-1808 or e-mail wrenda@spectacularspaces.com. For more decorating tips and photos, visit spectacularspaces.com/blog

Bringing the Downtown Abbey look into your home

The holidays are over and the next big event happens tomorrow night: the return of Downton Abbey! And if you are like me, you can't wait for the new season. Check out my article in the Fort Myers-News Press today for a few tips on bringing a bit of the Downton look into your home. 

Wrenda Goodwyn • special to the Fort Myers News-Press• January 4, 2014

It begins again at 9 p.m. Sunday on PBS — the fourth season of the award-winning “Downton Abbey.”

We pick up six months after the shocking finale that ended with the death of Matthew Crawley. And now we will find out how Lady Mary and baby George are coping. Will she be able to save Downton? What dark secrets and new romances will unfold upstairs and downstairs? We have so many questions.

But let’s face it. The star of the show is the house, a manor house set in Edwardian England at the turn of the 20th century. The show revolves around the estate and it details the daily life and scandals of the family of wealthy Robert Crawley, the Earl of Grantham and his American wife, Lady Cora Grantham; their three daughters and household staff.

Photo provided by PBS.

Each week it lets us peek into life inside the manor house. It is as though we should not be there listening and watching. But we can’t turn away. The captivating writing and stunning appearances transport you to a time that marked a turning point for England and the entire world. And for the Crawley family, it is about holding on to a lifestyle that is slowly slipping away.

Inspired by the opulence of Victorian English chandeliers, this Rococo iron and crystal chandelier from Restoration Hardware adds sparkle to any room. Photo: Restoration Hardware. 

Inspired by the opulence of Victorian English chandeliers, this Rococo iron and crystal chandelier from Restoration Hardware adds sparkle to any room. Photo: Restoration Hardware. And it is the lifestyle that captivates us. Even though we don’t have a library that holds 5,500 books, some dating back to the 15th century, and a dining room table that seats 32, we still long for a tiny bit of the feeling of opulence, taste and sensibilities of that period.

As a Fort Myers interior decorator, I always ask my clients how they want their home to feel when they walk in the door. Not look, but feel. So if you would like to put a little of the Downton Abbey feeling into your home, think about these tips.

Pottery Barn gilt finish frames. Photo: Pottery Barn.

Pottery Barn gilt finish frames. Photo: Pottery Barn.

• Add some gold touches. Gilded is the look and you can achieve this with metallic paint or spray paint on chairs or the legs of a table. Find a small chair (or two) that needs some work. Paint it gold and reupholster in a beautiful new fabric.

• Hang family portraits. If not yours, purchase some at flea markets. Stack them on top of each other and cover entire walls. Forget all of the rules that I have previously given you for hanging artwork. Stack them!

• Display crystal candlesticks. The more the better. They add sparkle and in the evening give that beautiful color that we love about this show. Purchase from consignment shops or flea markets. If crystal isn’t possible, try the beautiful antique mercury glass pillar and candle holders from Pottery Barn. They provide the dramatic display of silver and light that is so much a part of the Downton lighting.

Mercury glass pillar candle holders from Pottery Barn. Photo: Pottery Barn.

• Hang a chandelier. For sparkle and a beautiful, warm reflection off the walls like in the Downton drawing room. And sconces, especially in the bedroom and bathrooms.

• Embellish. With tassels, add them to lamps or for a more subtle touch, use them to tie back thick drapes. Or just loop a really gorgeous one around a doorknob.

• Create a library. It doesn’t need to be huge but a wall or part of a wall will allow you display your books and achieve that Downton look. If that doesn’t work, try Brunschwig & Fils outrageously fun, faux, library print wall covering and instantly add floor-to-ceiling built-ins packed with wonderful books.

 • Don’t forget the kitchen. One of my favorite Downton Abbey accessories is the wonderful standing tiered pot rack in the corner of the kitchen. Use colorful pots and of course, a few copper ones. A hammered steel cookware stand with the look is available at Williams-Sonoma.

Add functional style to your kitchen with a hammered steel cookware stand from Williams-Sonoma. Photo: Williams-Sonoma.

• Add a lady’s writing desk or vintage writing secretary. You may not wish to spring for the original rosewood Edwardian version, but the beautiful Bramwell writing desk from Pottery Barn works with its antique brass hardware and is an updated option.

• Display china and crystal. Bring it out of storage. Display it on a sideboard, shelf or arrange decanters on a silver tray. And to dust all of this, you will need an ostrich feather duster like the sassy one on the show!

• Layer everything. Drapes. Pillows. Rugs. This may be a little too heavy for Southwest Florida but layering can be done with lighter fabrics.

• Add damask paper to an accent wall in a modern color.

• Purchase something tufted. A sofa, ottoman or chair. This is a popular look now for any home.

• Oriental carpets, whether original or copies, are classic Downton Abbey.

• Add architectural details. Colorful moldings and chair rails. Paint inside doors panels a color for pop.

• Mirrors, mirrors on the walls. Gilded, patinaed or whitewashed. My favorite: the manor house whitewashed mirror from Restoration Hardware. The whitewashed look is casual enough for Southwest Florida homes and is a great statement piece.

Make a statement with this Manor House Whitewashed mirror from Restoration Hardware. Photo: Restoration Hardware.

• Color your home in Downton Abbey tones. The beautiful rose wall covering in Sybil’s room. And the wood tones, cornflower blue walls and the white ceiling in Cora’s room. The kitchen’s grays, browns and ivory. The reds, greens, blues and browns of the library. And that red velvet sofa.

The drawing room’s pastels and creams, the yummy green/aqua, pale rose and ivory. You can add touches of these colors by coming up with a palette and using splashes of color in accent pieces, fabric or on walls.

• Include palms for an opulent touch. The larger the better to fill corners. Palms were the hallmark of Victorian homes. This is the easiest tip of all for Southwest Florida homes!

Wrenda Goodwyn is a Southwest Florida interior decorator. Home Inspirations appears the first Saturday of each month. Visit her website at spectacularspaces.com. Call her at 949-1808 or e-mail wrenda@spectacularspaces.com. For more decorating tips, visit spectacularspaces.com/blog.

Want a home that makes you happy?

Call me. I can help!

Time to hire a professional? Read my tips for working with an interior decorator in the Fort Myers News-Press.